From the Outside Looking in
by smile1
Summary: KateSawyer one piece. With Jack suffering from a mental breakdown and Kate from an emotional one, he might just be the one to turn to at the end of the day. What had the world come to?


**Disclaimer: **I don't own the series LOST or the original characters. All I own is my imagination and the plot.

**A/N: **This has been my longest one piece ina while, thanks to all of the dialogue in it, apparently all things that I needed to get out between the characters. That together with the thoughts and emotions of those same characters made for a rather fast paced story with a lot of unfinishedsentences. I, myself, don't really know how it turned out because I don't know to think. I'm sure it's not one of my best pieces, but I guess it will have to do. :)

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**From the Outside Looking in**

_''When your sky is falling and the tables turn, I'll be there to take you home.''_

The graves were open and bared, the two bodies wrapped in what _the _onlookers wished would have been something else, anything else than the white sand covered airplane blankets they had used; there hadn't been anything else on the island that would have been appropriate enough for a funeral. It was a nightmare beneath a blue sky, two unnecessary losses, one more strategical and the other more personal. Kate didn't really know either one of the two women, a realization that had fully hit her only now that they were dead because when they had been alive, her dislike of Ana Lucia had been shallowly based on nothing but her first impression, and she had just never taken the time to get to know Libby. It was too late to get to know people better; she knew who she trusted, and as for everybody else, she was going to keep her distance because she didn't want to get hurt like Hurley had been. She looked at him, her arms daintily wrapped around herself, sad and near tears and trying her hardest to fight them while Hurley did nothing to conceal his from anybody.

She didn't look at him for too long, the state of grief he was in too real, especially for someone who hated to cry and who not only chose to look away when things got rough, but also got away from it as fast as she could to save herself the tears. Still, she was losing her cool and found herself looking for a shoulder to cry on more often when really she didn't have to look that far for one. It was ironic how she could find comfort in someone who she'd had trouble standing at all at first, but they had grown on each other and now they were in some sort of truce, a mutual understanding that their love was closer to hate or maybe it was the other way around, their hate was closer to love than either one of them would ever openly admit, though he had, once, when she had been nowhere in sight and he might have been delusional. They both could agree that their relationship was one of love-hate and a very complicated one at that.

Unconsciously she moved toward Sawyerwhile her eyes were on Jack who stood by himself on the other end of the graves while the rest of the small crowd kept their distance. He was saying the last words that would probably ever be said about the two deceased. She admired that side of him, that he was strong enough to do what no one else could or would do, although sometimes she wished that he wouldn't be so openly heroic and take on everything just because he thought that that was what was expected of him. He'd probably lived his life by other people's expectations and set his own even higher because he was used to live by example.

She turned her head and caught Sawyer's stony expression. She doubted that he cared much about what other people expected from him, and unlike her, it didn't affect him. He really just didn't care. She liked to think that he did care about _this_, even though she couldn't pinpoint what he was thinking. He looked upset enough, despite that there was no sign of that. Of course, he hadn't known Libby or Ana Lucia at all, none of them really had, except for Hurley. He had known Libby. She looked over at Hurley again and her heart went out to him; he was as crushed as one could be and all everyone did was stare, unable to identify because it wasn't their loved one. She couldn't identify, but she could relate, she always could to all of the bad stuff; most of it had happened to her at one point in her life and that was what made her such a good listener.

She uncurled her arms from her body and reached out to put one of her hands on Hurley's back, at least trying to comfort him when she already knew that the reassuring nothings really wouldn't mean a thing when she would say them to him, but it just felt like the right thing to do, a compassionate action that Sawyer found surprising coming from her, for some reason. It was a side he hadn't seen before, one he didn't have, not when it came to anyone but her. He affectionately kept his eyes on her until the somber ceremony had come to an end. The crowd dissolved more quickly than they should, but the four that stayed behind didn't notice; it was just as quiet as before, just as sad, a moment that Hurley shared with the other three when really he shouldn't have to and should be given some time, time that both Kate and Sawyer were more than happy to give, but Jack just didn't have because besides being good at carrying a torch around (for somebody), he'd also always been good at carrying a grudge, even when it wasn't his to carry in the first place. He was always looking out for everyone, and no matter how good of a person he was trying to be, it wasn't always in their best interest, but in his, nor was his timing or the things he said always of the right kind. Like at this particular moment.

''They didn't deserve this,'' he spoke before it respectfully was his turn to. ''She didn't deserve this, Hurley. They're monsters and we're going to get back at them for what they did. To Ana Lucia. To Libby.'' He looked at Hurley shortly before his attention was relocated over to Sawyer.

''An eye for an eye, huh, doc? Or should I say one body for another?'' Kate's eyes found his in a quick flash, finding the words harsher than they could be, especially in front of Hurley, though she didn't say anything to disagree. She just gave him a look that silently asked him to tone it down from there, something that was taken into consideration because it was her, but something that was brushed off nonetheless as he continued on with his rave, ''I thought you were supposed to be the keeper of the peace on this forsaken island?''

''I'm all for keeping the peace and, unlike them, we stuck to the agreement, we stayed on our side of the island. We kept our word and just sat back and watched while they killed two of our people.''

''Our people?'' Kate asked, somewhat disgusted by how clinically Jack referred to the two dead women.

''Her name's Libby,'' Hurley whispered, his gaze never leaving her grave.

Kate replaced her hand on Hurley's back, kind of like an apology for going on with the conversation while he was still there, ''You hardly knew them. We hardly knew them, Jack.''

''I knew Libby,'' Hurley said.

''I know you did, sweetie,'' Kate replied, her voiced hushed and tone gentle enough. ''But we didn't.'' Her gaze stayed on Hurley a little longer before shifting back over to Jack. ''And maybe that's our fault or maybe there wasn't enough time to get to a point where we could fully trust them, but even if these were two of our own you'd think twice about doing something drastic,'' she told him, purposely lowering her voice. ''You're being too reckless, Jack, wanting to act without a plan.''

''I have a plan.''

''Lemme guess, does it involve us --'' Sawyer gestured to Jack, Kate and himself, ''-- going on some wild goose chase through the mystery jungle in search of our trigger happy not so good friends? As much as I'd like to get even with the bastards, I think I'm gonna pas on this one, at least until you and Ali come up with a bulletproof game plan, so we don't end up li-''

Kate stopped him from completing his insensitive remark with warning look. ''This isn't the time or place to discuss this.''

''What's there to discuss when you obviously agree with him, but then again you always do. You know, Kate, it would be nice if you made up your own mind every now and then instead of letting him do it for you.''

She shook her head, not believing what she was hearing, not because he'd said it, but because he just might belief it, even though he should know better. She squeezed Hurley's hand and didn't look at the other two men when she turned her back to them and started to head in the opposite direction. She wanted to put some space between her and the graves, knowing that Jack would follow. ''Kate,'' he began his reasoning, getting her to stop and turn, both her hands in her hair. ''What, Jack?''

''Look, I'm sorry, but you can't seriously side with him on this?'' He didn't say Sawyer's name; he avoided saying it whenever he could. ''We have to do something. What kind of people would do something like that?'' He pointed backwards and Kate's eyes went over his shoulder, but not to look at the graves. ''I don't know, Jack,'' she said with a soft sigh. ''Crazy people, people that've been on this island for too long, people that I don't want to turn into.''

''And by going after them you think that...''

''Yes! I'm afraid that I will turn out like them and that you're already halfway there 'cause only crazy people would go off and shoot people just to get back at them.''

''Just to get back at them?'' Jack repeated. ''They killed Ana Lucia and Libby. They deserve it!''

''Maybe they do, but I still want to come out as the bigger person in this situation. The better person.''

''But-''

''And no matter how hard you try to talk me into going after them, I won't,'' Kate cut him off. ''Not without a plan and not just because the Others shot Ana Lucia and Libby, but because of the people that were hurt in the process.''

''Like Hurley.''

She nodded ''Like Hurley. And like you. I know there was something between you and Ana Lucia and I know you're angry...''

''You don't know how I feel.''

Kate lowered her eyes. ''I'm sorry that she died.'' There was a short silence as she gave him some seconds to figure out what he was feeling and that she was right about it. He was angry and some part of her felt for him, sorry that the only person who could have gotten as close to him as she was, was now dead while the other side of her selfishly found it somewhat of a consolation. It was a horrible thing to think, but at the same time it was what it was, a way for her to deal with her jealousy other than denying it to herself. ''She could have taken my place, couldn't she?'' she asked Jack as she brought her eyes back up slowly, allowing him a glimpse into a side she usually kept hidden, the side where she also stowed away other real emotions like anger and sadness. She didn't like to wear her heart out on her sleeve, but he did, even though it was caught up in irrationality and a little reality would do the both of them some good; it would set them straight. ''It's okay,'' she assured him, not really knowing who she was trying to convince of what. ''To be honest, I'm sick of being your go-to girl all the time.''

''You're more than that. You know that.''

''But you didn't deny that I'm not your go-to girl,'' she responded, somewhat childishly, but she didn't care, not at this moment anyway. All she cared about was getting her point across, that Jack always thought of her first and it was no longer a compliment, just a convenience. She was one of the only women on this island who knew how to handle a gun with confidence. When he didn't say anything, she shook her head. ''You're unbelievable.'' She started to turn her body away from him, but stopped when he spoke. ''You've got the wrong man, Kate. If you're anybody's go-to girl, you're his.''

And it weren't the words that hurt her, but the way he said it, like it was true and that it was Sawyer's fault to begin with, like everything was in Jack's eyes when it wasn't. ''I haven't exactly been a saint either,'' she subtly tried to set the record straight.

''And that makes it okay?''

She shrugged. ''Probably not, but it is how we work and I don't see how it's any of your business anyway.''

''I'm just looking out for you.''

''You don't have to, Jack.''

Jack didn't immediately reply, watching as Sawyer began to approach them. His gaze shifted back over to Kate's. ''Because he is?''

''You need to stop being so jealous,'' she simply told him, again being a little childish, considering that she'd only said it now that she had nothing to be jealous about herself.

''What's happen'n'?'' Sawyer inquired, his usual smile not plastered on his face, even though it would go well with his opening line.

Jack looked from Kate to Sawyer and back again. ''Apparently I'm jealous.''

The ghost of a smile appeared on Sawyer's face, anything but a misconception. ''Well, how about that...''

''Of course you'd agree, seeing as how you love her and all.''

A confused 'what' rolled off of Kate's tongue while Sawyer snorted. ''Going a little wacko, Jacko?''

''What, don't remember, but then again, why would you, right? It probably didn't mean anything, coming from you and all.'

Sawyer threw a foul look his way while raking his brain for a memory, but came up empty.

''What are you talking about?'' Kate beat him to the question.

Jack sighed, one hand settling on his hip while the other went quickly through his hair. ''You were unconscious,'' he began the explanation, aware of how he must be sounding. ''And you said that you loved her. He said that he loved you,'' he said while turning to Kate again.

''Jack,'' she said carefully, keeping her eyes deliberately on him as she tried to get him to focus and realize what he had just said made no sense to her. ''I don't-''

''Tell her,'' Jack demanded from Sawyer as his gaze flew from Kate to Sawyer, not needing to hear the rest of what she had to say; he knew that she didn't understand it and probably wouldn't until she had heard it from Sawyer himself. ''Tell her,'' he echoed. ''You normally have such a big mouth. She obviously doesn't believe it coming from me.''

''I think you finally cracked, doc.''

Jack began to laugh and Sawyer exchanged a quick glance with Kate, his brow furrowed and expression worried, just like hers. ''Jack,'' she called his name again and took a step towards him.

''You don't believe me, do you?''

''Well, you said it yourself, Jack, he was unconscious when he-''

''He meant it,'' Jack told her. ''And I want you to hear it.''

Sawyer looked at him. ''Why?''

''Sawyer...''

''No, Freckles, I want him to give me a reason before I tell you that I love ya just because he read that in to whatever mumbo jumbo I mumbled in my sleep and wants to prove somethin'.''

''Sawyer, I don't think-''

''Actually, I do want to prove one thing.''

''See?'' Sawyer shot her a satisfied smile. ''Get it off your chest, doc.''

Now Jack took a step in Kate's direction. ''I want to prove your words right, that you aren't a saint either and that you're just as bad as him; you use men like he takes advantage of women and you've used men your entire life to get your way. That guy you loved, you never loved him, you only let him think that because you needed something from him, just like you need something from him --'' Jack made a brisk gesture in Sawyer's general direction. ''-- and he's the same way! He may have said that he loved you, but how many things that he has said were genuine? He's just playing the same game with you, Kate. He doesn't love you. I do!'' He momentarily paused to take in a breath before asking her, ''What's wrong with a nice guy?''

''Nothing,'' she answered.

''Then why-'' He stopped himself and feverishly ran his hands through his hair while shaking his head a couple of times. ''You're driving me crazy.''

''I agree, Freckles,'' Sawyer chipped in, but for an obvious other reason.

Kate paid no attention to him and took Jack's hands in hers as they fell from his hair. He didn't try to pull them from hers, but just looked at her with a tired look on his face. ''Look, Jack,'' she began tenderly, ''I'm sorry for making you feel all of those things-''

''No,'' he intercepted while shaking his head. ''I'm sorry.''

''You don't have to be; it's a good thing that all of this came out, but I don't think that this is necessarily the right moment to talk about it.'' She squeezed his hands. ''You had to deal with a lot today, so why don't we put this argument on hold until tomorrow, okay?''

Jack faintly smiled at her and nodded. ''Okay.''

She nodded, too. ''We'll go with you to the hatch, so you can get some sleep. You need it,'' she stated firmly before he could fight her on it. Fortunately, the day had been a draining one and, for once, Jack was too tired to do anything but what he was told to do and go with them to the hatch, he in the middle with Kate in front and Sawyer behind him. At the hatch, he was ordered to bed by Kate, assuring him that they would look after the button for as long as he slept and after a sigh and an 'I swear' from Sawyer, the deal was done and Kate and Sawyer were left alone in what was suspected to be the living room with her on the couch with one leg pulled up to her chest and him sitting on the table in front of her.

''Jack's right, you know,'' Kate said, out of the blue breaking the silence between them. Her eyes swept up to Sawyer's. ''We have been using each other.''

He shrugged. ''So we occasionally do things for each other. We're friends.''

''Only when it's convenient to you.''

He simply looked away from her, not having the words. Kate's eyes wandered over to the closed door to the bedroom. ''I hope he's going to be okay. He always thinks that he has to take care of everything and everyone on this island. He's too hard on himself.''

''He ain't perfect, Freckles.''

''I never said he was.''

''You sure try hard enough to make him out that way.'' He looked at her, even though she tried her hardest not to look at him. ''He's made his share of mistakes, Kate. Don't forget he tortured me.''

''He didn't-''

''He sure as hell enjoyed the show,'' he let her know, his words harsh, but true. ''And when you were held at gunpoint he didn't seem too eager to-''

''Stop.''

He finally got the chance to look her in the eyes and shrugged. ''That's reality for you, sweetheart.''

''You haven't exactly been gentle with me either, Sawyer.''

''I've been pretty good to you lately.''

Her gaze quickly tumbled downwards as she nodded. ''Yes. Yes, you have.'' She caught the first tear that came rolling down her cheek with the back of her hand. ''I hate this island,'' was the statement that came out afterwards, the result of the bottle that had finally reached its limit. Everything had seemed to be going downhill and getting worse even after the plane crash, something that seemed impossible, but was more than definitely so and she missed the life she had before.

''I would ask what it did to you, but...'' His smile was faint, but there nonetheless as he got up only to sit back down next to her. He pulled her to him like had had done not so long ago and mumbled, ''He's going to be fine. I don't know about you, though.'' It was concern that had been on his mind lately; he had seen her light softly fade day by day. It was in her eyes and in everything else. _It was in her tears. _She would've never cried so openly before.

Her fingers hooked themselves into the fabric of his shirt. ''I'll be okay. I have to be; I can't just crawl up and die. Sometimes I wish I could, though.''

''You shouldn't be talkin' nonsense like that, girl,'' he made light of the subject while tightening his hold on her at the same time. ''You'll make it through; this ain't nothin', okay?''

He felt her nod. ''Okay.''

''You're gonna be fine, Freckles. Just fine.''

He rested his chin on top of her head and wondered what the world had come to with the mighty doctor in bed as a result of going a little crazier than usual and with the strongest girl on the island in his arms in tears while he had temporarily taken on the role of the hero to comfort her and watch over her and Jack.

_Yes, what had the world come to?_

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**Please review? (: **Okay, so despite the fact that the story wasn't as good as I wanted to me, keeping in mind that I can be my own worst critic, so feel free to ignore that thought, I think that I got across what I wanted to get across, Sawyer being the one who Kate needs and turns to despite both of their mistakes.Let me know what you think and what stuck with you 'till the end. Thanks again for taking the time to read this. :)


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